What a Rough ride..

Things haven't exactly been pretty on the flip side. While we were knowing we were leaving Iowa soon, I had to have my gallbladder removed! It was terrible. I am all healed up now. 
 We are going through hell with relationship shit. I did some wrong things and he did some wrong things but two WRONGS don't make a right. I have apologized but I may be getting removed from the equation.. Which is making me miserable, and begging to stay. I hate that I am going through this AGAIN. Just because I did something that you don't like doesn't mean we should just QUIT, but if we do just quit I guess that means that I wasn't worth your time anyway, and that you were just another frog. Which is a fact that I will probably never get over. I may end up a lonely old spinster who has a kid. I'm disappointed in my life at the moment and I know that yes I am the only one to blame for that..
While no one likes hearing the down and dirty parts of life. I have to talk about this. ANY ONE who EVER says anything about my parents suicide mission.. Be ready for an ass kicking at that second. EVEN IF I LOVE YOU I WILL KICK YOUR ASS or at least hit you without thinking. WHO THE HECK wouldn't? And yes I am expecting an apology for that one even if things go way south.
 I am praying like the devil is trying to catch me (which he has been trying VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY hard to do. I wish GOD would frickin step in and hold my hand right now but.. He seems distant just like always. Until I typed this that is. I spent three hours this morning praying that God would help me fall asleep. Three hours later I fell asleep but then Dear loved one's alarm went off bah! Why do you have to work so slowly I DO NOT WANT PATIENCE anymore I WANT HAPPINESS and a HUSBAND and a FAMILY and another baby would be great =] But I also want to be treated the way I try to treat others with the golden rule I dont want to just be pleasing one person I want to be pleased to yes that is selfish but its how humans work right God?
 Guess I should go ask and point in the bible .. I just hope I get an answer that I like..
 -A very frustrated mama.

More like the turbine stopped turning..

Things suck right now
I dont know what to do or how to be acting =/
blah
Miss windy..

I Feel like pulling my hair out and throwing it to the wind.

I have to break out of the box I keep letting get built up around me by the past.. UGH I need help to stay out of that box.. it effected today.. and has affected some one else..darn you past.. GO AWAY all of it.. the part where he hurt me and the part where they hurt me and the part where the brazillian hurt me and all the other people I have hurt. UGH.. just go away box.. now..today has been mostly ruined.. thanks beth.. you are great for that.. granted.. being taken for granted.. its not fun.. and we all do it.. we should all stop doing it..I am thankful for everything that I have learned in the past five years.. and the chance to have met and to  be with Ryan Mervine.. but.. we are driving each other crazy...

 A little spilled milk IS NOTHING TO CRY OVER. or to make ANYONE cry over.. it's just spilled milk.. or in some cases pineapple juice.

 I hate that I over react but when it feels like you are putting some one down.. I will over react.. especially when it comes to Star girl or myself.

and yes I am an emotional mess right now I dont feel like moving at all let alone making sure the house is clean and that estrella is doing something outside the house.. and blah blah blah sorry . I will cry because I have been trying to do all of those things, and You just yelled at our star. YOU have no RIGHT to yell OVER SPILLED MILK.. NEVER EVER..Im so ranting right now because IM pissed and I feel like running away but Im not running away because my heart says STAY beth STAY because you LOVE this MAN.. who isnt acting at all like the man you want raising your child.. 

=/ It's frusterating.

and I really hope that the wrong people dont read this.. because I am just ranting and being irrational. it happens right.

Halloween!

Well it's halloween! And we are on to trick or treating.
I love halloween it's like my new year, or my christmas all combined.. It is my favorite holiday because well.. you know.. FREE CANDY and usually there are buffets and stuff at friends houses.. well That's one reason to miss south dakota.. people out here.. don't like halloween that much.. or well um.. their kids are sick.. or they just dont like trick or treating.. HAVE you ever heard of a kid that doesn't like trick or treating.. well..
just saying lol..
I guess that.. I love halloween so much I would do it every day if it were possible!
 Maybe that's just the maniac in me =]
I cannot wait to go trick or treating, and I cannot wait to watch some scary movies tonight!
 SO...I hope you are dressed up and going to trick or treat or hit up the library..
And I heard a very good point that mocking the devil is something he cannot take. So why not mock him on all hallows eve :)
  PS.. God if you could let Ryan off work early.. that would be grand :P Just thought Id shoot that out there since you are you know.. every where :)
   In your twisted turbine's wifes hand
Love ya.

Treasure I found TREASURE!

I have just found some treasure hunting information! Star-girl and I shall be going geocaching!
I am so excited because there are actually places within 20 miles of where we LIVE that there are sites!
I cannot wait to take her after school bahahahaha! Her daddy will be happy to have more sleep because we will be out of the house treasure hunting! And She and I will get some exercise because we have been a bit of the movie hermits couch potatoe type lately because there is not much to do around here.
 BUT anyway! This is something we can do throughout the USA while we travel with the wind!
  I am so excited to tell her about it!
UPdate. The flies have still been horrible BUT its freezing out side now so they will be dying soon.
 Mr. Wind and I have been having more arguments about stupid things because of his lack of sleep and lack of being home. But hopefully that will end when they get the second mantowalk here and can be working on regular schedules. Weather or not its working nightshift ONLY or dayshift ONLY he will no longer be doing nights and days together. STRESSFUL I know.
  www.geocaching.com is the website for the Treasure hunting if you are interested in it!
:)
Love Miss Windy

SO frustrated.

I am trying to be happy. I love my family. but I hate some of the things that happen.
FUDGESICLES
  Lord help me make it through this.
xd
not writing on here for awhile I am taking a hiatus..
wind girl

$35,000 List

Well it certainly seems that I do not write well. I don't have great grammar I spill in my internet language of LOL and :)'s .. So I think that I should be trying to write more often on here and see what happens!
 This week has been tough already and it's only tuesday. Mr Wind's schedule is absolutely out of WHACK! He worked from midnight last night and is working until Five PM today. Not a good thing. But maybe tomorrow he will be back on days! Star-girl has been exhibiting signs of a cold, or at least of not feeling well. She has been super fussy, and pushing boundaries.
 OH goodness the flies in here are HORRID one just tried to fly UP MY SLEVE. Gross. They also love to attack my hair =/ ANYWAY.
 Hopefully Mr. Wind goes back onto days, because then we can be a little more calm in the house. I have made a point to have lavender candles in the house to help with the mood sometimes.. They have definitely helped once or twice so far.
 I am trying to make a $35,000 list, because I do not always get enough done around the house. Some days can be very ANTI PRODUCTIVE for me. I have borrowed the 35,000 dollar list from one of Mary Kay's books, she was an ingenious lady!
 First thing you do is list six things that  are the most important to get done that day. Cross them off one by one and all of a sudden YOU had a productive day! And you feel great about yourself =]

Here's today's list.
 1. Work out
 2. Throw at least two loads of the laundry into the machines behind the house! (I have at least six loads Mrs.R..just in case you are looking haha ;P I don't think it would be nice to bring them all to your house.. I love to put off my laundry)
 3. Make bread (which will most likely start before I work out.)
 4. Clean the floors in the house.. vacuum/ scrub the tiles.
 5.Work with Star-girl getting her to write her name and knowing how to write it!
 6. Make a MK order.. and talk to Mr. Wind about it tomorrow.
...
 So see my lists are super silly but they help! And I have also heard that the guy who MK took the example from actually made it pretty big. They also help me feel like I accomplish something other than  that yucky feeling of I didn't get anything done today I am so useless...
 bah.. well ya'll have a good day! Keep my Windy boys and girls in your prayers they need it. I hate it when they get worked down to the bone.