Things haven't exactly been pretty on the flip side. While we were knowing we were leaving Iowa soon, I had to have my gallbladder removed! It was terrible. I am all healed up now.
We are going through hell with relationship shit. I did some wrong things and he did some wrong things but two WRONGS don't make a right. I have apologized but I may be getting removed from the equation.. Which is making me miserable, and begging to stay. I hate that I am going through this AGAIN. Just because I did something that you don't like doesn't mean we should just QUIT, but if we do just quit I guess that means that I wasn't worth your time anyway, and that you were just another frog. Which is a fact that I will probably never get over. I may end up a lonely old spinster who has a kid. I'm disappointed in my life at the moment and I know that yes I am the only one to blame for that..
While no one likes hearing the down and dirty parts of life. I have to talk about this. ANY ONE who EVER says anything about my parents suicide mission.. Be ready for an ass kicking at that second. EVEN IF I LOVE YOU I WILL KICK YOUR ASS or at least hit you without thinking. WHO THE HECK wouldn't? And yes I am expecting an apology for that one even if things go way south.
I am praying like the devil is trying to catch me (which he has been trying VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY hard to do. I wish GOD would frickin step in and hold my hand right now but.. He seems distant just like always. Until I typed this that is. I spent three hours this morning praying that God would help me fall asleep. Three hours later I fell asleep but then Dear loved one's alarm went off bah! Why do you have to work so slowly I DO NOT WANT PATIENCE anymore I WANT HAPPINESS and a HUSBAND and a FAMILY and another baby would be great =] But I also want to be treated the way I try to treat others with the golden rule I dont want to just be pleasing one person I want to be pleased to yes that is selfish but its how humans work right God?
Guess I should go ask and point in the bible .. I just hope I get an answer that I like..
-A very frustrated mama.
